so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
