god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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