Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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