I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
