Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
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My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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