Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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