You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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