my mouth tastes like poor choices
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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