it wasn't lemon gatorade
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
