Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...