fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
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As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs