You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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