i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.