Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.