i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy