The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i think my tv is drunk
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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