Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.