I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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