When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
