um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
