i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
