Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
