There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
