i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize