there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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