Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
