You work out of a Hotel?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
