with your own penis?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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