I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
