U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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