I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
