watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
