I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
