4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The uberlube is also flammable
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
