all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I need to calm my uterus...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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