I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
