Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
