I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
