so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
