when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize