Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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