he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
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There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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