It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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