An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
