I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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