FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So much Jack, so little girl.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
