i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
