Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
