I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
