Soap is not a condiment
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
