i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
