I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
