It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
