glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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