Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
