If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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