I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
