she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
