Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
