I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
