Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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