Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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