I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
