You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
