Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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