Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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