Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
