I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
