Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
