i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
