you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
NoShamevember. You game?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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