Don't make out with my wife yet
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
