Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
