After last night, I could never be a politician.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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